My name is not important, but my pen name at the moment is Johann. It came to me like ten years ago and I thought it sounded fine. I've lived in Denver, CO my whole life and I don't really have strong feelings about it. I'm a twenty-something dipshit who's recently been grappling with the realization that every institution and patriotic ideal I was ever raised to believe in has been exposed as a big crock of shit, and like my peers, I'm not too sure how I'm handling that. I've seen how American capitalism has panned out for me and my friends as we've grown up, and I can't help but feel that it's ultimately been a terrible failure, so now you could say I'm more socialist-leaning.
For most of my life I avoided forming strong political opinions, which worked out okay for me because I'm a white guy and, really, the whole world has been built to work in my favor. But 2020 happened and I realized I could only be a fucking moron for so long, so then I put on my thinking cap and started to decide how I feel about things. Firstly, I don't believe in feminism. Mostly because feminism implies the idea of equality, and as a guy who works in a virtually all-male industry, I can assure you that men are just about fucking worthless compared to most of the women in my life. I pulled a little bait-and-switch there, which was scummy of me, but I thought it was funny. Anyway.
As far as the abortion debate goes, I wouldn't even say I'm pro-choice so much as I am straight pro-abortion. Just get rid of all of them. There's no punchline on this one, I just really don't like people. My main problem with kids is that, eventually, they turn into people. I firmly believe that you could delete, like, half of everyone, and the only noticeable difference would be a sharp decrease in traffic. I was rooting for Thanos, honestly. Obviously I would prefer if I was in the half that stayed alive, but that's more out of a lizard brain survival instinct than any belief that I'm worth keeping around. I'm kind of a nihilist, which is just being emo but with a substantially larger mustache.
It's cha boi, the void!
If I were to fill out a dating profile, I would say my turn ons include socialized healthcare, therapy, malicious compliance, and red meat, although that last one is more of a kink that I indulge in with a healthy amount of shame. My turn offs include class traitors, corporate apologists, insurance companies, and adults in diapers. I know some people abhor kink shaming, but you know what, if you're turned on on by acting like a literal baby then you're a fucking freak and you can stay a million feet away from my penis please.
I grew up in an era of post-disasters. Post-Columbine, Post-9/11, Post-2008. When a kid flipped his lid and shot up my high school, the only surprising part of it was that it didn't happen before I graduated. My friends and I shared theories on who we thought would eventually bring his arsenal to class, and we were all wrong on the details, but we expected it all the same. When society as we know it started falling apart around us, the only surprising part was that it was jumpstarted by a virus and not, I don't know, environmental collapse or something. Fuckin' COVID. When the SVP of my department at work told us, in no uncertain terms, that there would be NO compensation whatsoever for our "essential worker" status, despite the fact that our department is currently getting its shit rocked with COVID cases, I was fuming fucking mad but not terribly surprised. His wording on the subject was "business decisions," but I say corporate cocksucking. Tomato potato. Whatever. They say business isn't personal, which is certainly a convenient excuse. You never see employers give a two weeks notice before they let people go, but if a worker resigns on the spot it's like a whole big thing. I think that's a double standard.
I think about death a lot, to the point that when anything bad happens in my life, I make myself feel better by remembering that I'll be dead soon. I'm not terminal or anything, but on a cosmic scale, we'll all be dead tomorrow. You see, the house I grew up in was across the street from a cemetery. I could hike my leg over the chain link fence in the backyard, cross a two lane road, and in short order I'd be surrounded by dead people. For a long time that cemetery was my favorite place to go when I just wanted to walk and be alone. One day, a girl I knew from high school killed herself, and they buried her there, and you could see her headstone from my bedroom window. She was in my girlfriend's friend circle, and when that friend circle went to visit her parents after she died, they stole her weed from her bedroom while her parents were downstairs. Well, my girlfriend didn't steal anything, because she's an angel, but her other friends did. I don't like that cemetery anymore.
My favorite part about having a blog is that I can end my posts on whatever note I want, thus voiding the need to write an actual ending, which is the hardest part of writing for me. As such, here's a picture of a duck.
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